Misconceptions & Redemption

June 10, 2015, Day 25

I am not quite sure what the theme for this day is, but I look back over the last 3 weeks, on what I have achieved, and I am happy with it. The next weigh-in will be my first of my 4-weekly ones.

Now I know, that what I am doing is working, I will only weigh myself every 4 weeks.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have a tendency to obsess about the numbers on the scales. It has too often lead me down the path of anorexia & bulimia, so the sanest and kindest thing to do is to weigh-in every 4 weeks.

Anorexia and Bulimia have been acquaintances of mine since the age of 11. It has been a perverse kind of relationship. They have empowered as well as tortured me. For their illusion of control’ they exacted a heavy price…for nigh on 40 years.

The tragedy is I invited them to kidnap me, thinking I could use them to give me back even just a little bit of control over my life. I was wrong. They became slave drivers and I, like a rubber ball, ended up bouncing back and forth between them. The scary thing is just how quickly it became a way of life, a bad habit, an addiction. It is like having Stockholm Syndrome.

I have not had an episode for over a year but I am still on guard.  Like any addict, I know that there is no cure. I am merely in remission. Unlike other addicts I need to handle the substance of my addiction daily.

But I have have stopped running. Acceptance has brought with it a way forward, a new mind-set that allows me to see beyond my emotional attachment to food and a knowledge of my self-worth and self-determination. The past is just that…past but I can impact my future. I am responsible for my past actions and I have gotten myself to this place, this weight. No playing the blame-game… but I am not judging myself either, because that is not helpful either. I refuse to be distracted by the time-wasting pursuit of ‘blame or judgement’. This weight-loss journey is about getting myself right with myself, now.

Breakfast: none

Lunch: Plantain

Dinner: Risotto

Drinks: 3 cups of Coffee & Soy Milk, 750 ml Water

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