June 26, 2015, Day 41

Breakfast: none

Lunch: Porridge

Dinner: Rice, Seitan Steak in Onion Sauce, Stir-Fried Vegetables, Grapefruit

Drinks: 3 cups of Coffee & Soy Milk, 1.5 l Water

I’ve done it for years and, I’m just guessing here, but I think that I am merely a tiny drop in the fast ocean of

self-medicators. MY medication of choice was food, drink, which was applied via binging, restricting or complete abstention.

I have big gaps in my memory, times during my childhood and teens I just can not recall. The main bulk of what I can remember however, I rather wish I couldn’t. It is these memories and the way they made me feel and think about myself, and what I thought the world around me thought about me, that drove my self-medication. My self-medication took me to a little, happy bubble where, for moments only, I could find some relieve. When it was really bad it merely dulled the pain…

which was better than facing my demons unaided.

But we can only run for so long before exhaustion kicks in, we grind to a halt and everything catches up with us.

The mind, our emotions can only be anaesthetised for so long before medicating just hasn’t got an effect any more, before they demand to be heard, acknowledged and dealt with.

There was a little girl in me who needed to be allowed to air her grievances in order to grow emotionally.

It fell to me, to love and nurture her, to listen to her cries and heartaches, to make her strong enough to deal with life’s ups and downs.

Ignoring our pain doesn’t work.

Self-medicating it inappropriately does not work either.

It is our attitude towards the pain we encounter that makes the difference.

To develop a healthy, helpful attitude we need to get to know ourselves, work on our weaknesses and employ our strengths.

We need to become whole. No meds needed.

May the Peace and Mercy and Blessings of God be Upon You.


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